Divorce is one of life’s most stressful events affecting many important aspects of life – finances, children, social life – and, even if divorce is your choice, it can still be overwhelming. You will need to use the rational part of your mind as you make important decisions, communicate with your ex, and parent your children. At the same time, emotions may run high and your natural “fight, flight, or freeze” response may be triggered making it difficult to stay calm and make good decisions.
As a divorce counselor and coach, I help my clients navigate the practical and emotional aspects of divorce while also helping them envision the life they want to live and create an action plan for a happy and fulfilling future.
If you are interested in divorce counseling and coaching, please schedule a free 15 minute consultation
High Conflict Divorce
Some divorces are more complicated with greater conflict, violations of custody orders, and an inability to resolve issues. Being in a high conflict divorce is painful and happens when two people remain psychologically intertwined, even though they may be in a new relationship or have started a new family.
Having a high conflict ex can feel chaotic. They often threaten and instigate lawsuits, are unreliable with visitation and child support, create drama at pick ups and drop offs, and make daily routines painful and difficult. Communication can be hostile and harassing, or nonexistent, making it impossible to make plans for your children. Being in endless drama can be exhausting. If you are dealing with a high conflict ex, you may be experiencing:
- Depressed mood
- Decreased ability to concentrate at work or at home
- Difficulty sleeping
- Sense of hopelessness
- Lack of self confidence
- Social isolation
- Anxious or depressed children
High conflict individuals aren’t necessarily bad people, but they use poor strategies to get their needs met. And this makes them really hard to deal with. They have trouble regulating their emotions, communicating calmly, and understanding that there can be different ways to solve problems.
Learning New Strategies for Divorce
I’m here to help you better understand your situation, develop strategies to navigate conflicts, and find greater success. These strategies include:
- Minimizing contact with a high conflict ex
- Developing effective communication skills
- Setting and maintaining clear boundaries
- Managing your own emotions and reactions
- Managing stress
- Helping your children feel safe and secure
You may not be able to change how your ex behaves. But you can change how you react and respond to them. I am here to help you develop skills and strategies to feel strong and self-confident and to start living the life you deserve. Having support while going through the divorce process can make this transition smoother for the whole family.
If you and your ex are unable to reduce conflict, your lawyer may recommend, or the court may order, co-parenting counseling to help you and your co-parent come together to develop skills and create a plan to reduce the conflict in your divorce.
For more on co-parenting counseling, please click here.